What the Heck!

Last night after the kids were tucked snug in their beds and the decibel level had lowered to an even ambient hum, I received my second wind. Yes, I am a night person. I love the night life, always have. When I should be winding down and crawling into bed like a normal tired mom I am doing “just one more thing”, with that free and peaceful feeling that comes with being able to move fast and efficiently without appendages hanging on my legs.

I cleaned and it was glorious. After the tornado passed I sat on the floor in my lovely starched environment and wrapped Christmas presents.

So this evening after once again praying for and tucking, hugging and kissing little angels goodnight I looked around the house.

What the heck!

All the work of the previous night was latent under the chaos and endless activity of the day. I did all those dishes last night. I just washed the floor that now has banana and pear raindrops all over it. I just folded all that laundry now back in the used and dirty pile. I will say it again “What the heck!”

This brings me to a little but important topic called “worth”. Being a full time mom carries with it this mass of conflicting emotion. I still want to do everything and be everything out there in the great wide world. To feel the rush of excitement that accompanies a success or an achievement. To make a mark on the world; a common and identifiable desire. I am not out there much, I am here. I build castles out of blocks, I make pancakes that have Mickey mouse ears. I sing the times tables and the ABC’s when I’m vacuuming and I rarely ever get to use the bathroom without someone needing something.

Then, I look at my three marks and remember to look past the sweet potatoes all over my shoulder or the fact that I never got out of my yoga pants today. Look past the endless laundry and the endless dishes and see my little son learning to walk for the first time, stepping over the blocks generously obscuring the floor. My mark. So I can’t be everything and do everything  right now. But….I can be all I need to be for these little seeds that are growing strong and wonderful right before my eyes.

And it feels pretty good.