7 ways to get rid of drama

If there is one thing I have realized in my adult state of being is that I can go a long time without the need for drama.
 

Growing up as a Dunn there was always a shortage of drama so that I am so accustomed to the lack of it that I really don’t know what to do with people who have it in copious amounts.
 

This perhaps is another reason why I can’t seem to get my head around the concept of Face Book and other social networking platforms that seem to be a stage for the dramatic as well as all kinds of other uninteresting detail sharing. 

Pardon, I understand the concept, I just don’t understand the need.

But I digress, we each have our own things, our own inconsistency’s. I never thought I would like writing and reading blogs but I do. Perhaps I can’t do face book because secretly I fear I would be an addict.

Nah... that's not the reason but I confess to having a rather addictive personality. So long as I’m addicted to salad and literature I figure I can let that personality aspect mellow. On the other hand my chocolate addiction might need some curbing and my need for coffee has become just that, a need and not just a want. I have determined to give up coffee on several occasions just to put my habits under subjection but I keep putting it off. The headaches don’t help with the conviction.
 

...so back to drama.
 

I don’t like it. In the family we have a confront or let it go type of policy that I really like. Much of what isn’t necessary to confront gets let go of and trust me this makes for some serious personal growth.

The relationship between my siblings is a perfect example of strong friendship despite age differences, height disparity, personality diversity and a multitude of other variation that could potentially lead to dramatic flair ups, specially as five of the six siblings are women and we all know how women can get.
 

We laugh a lot, sometimes at each other, often at ourselves, maybe use some expletives in jest and call each other poopy pants on regular occasion.
 

But we try to be nice and nice people don't create drama for their friends... even though I do remember saying to my sister one time long ago: "I really don't like you right now"

to which she promptly responded "well I never liked you". It was so unlike us and so funny that we started laughing and managed to forget whatever it was we were fighting about.

Strange, it's true but not too much drama amongst us.

 

Seven ways to ditch drama:

• Listen. First rule of thumb. Dramatic people talk too much and listen too little. Don't perpetuate the drama that threatens to suck the life out of your friends. Listen.
  

  

• If you feel upset at someone, talk to that person (rationally and kindly please), not everyone else.
  

  

• Don’t engage in other people’s drama: leave, run away, bow out, plug your ears, grab them and waltz around the room, make funny faces, pretend like you're dead.

• Don’t take offense

• Do forgive and forget quickly
  

  

• Take responsibility for whatever is your fault, your problem, your issue, your glitch; knowing that you can’t fix the other persons personality drawbacks, why spend time complaining about them.
  

  

And finally…

• Let it go, let it go.

 

 

 

 

A hand to hold tonight



I wish.... to remember.

 

There were moments this week that made me glad to just sit and hold a hand, glad for my husband and his constancy, glad to hold my baby at five in the morning and stick my nose in his hair.

 

Life is weird. There are these moments of such incredible joy that they brings tears and then there are just tears; pain and tears. My words fall short tonight as on many nights when life is just plain overwhelming.

 

The best I can say is to be thankful for the moments you have. Even the imperfect ones when your son is crying in a public place at the top of his little lungs and people are looking at you, some with looks of compassion and some with looks of annoyance. Thankful for life and breath and love. Life isn't perfect but it is full of perfect moments, and these moments hold time and memory and forever within them.



 

 



Five reasons why I must teach Zumba

First I'd just like to say about this particular style of Zumba attire: Why?

Anywho...

When I started getting ready to teach my first zumba class after having Drake, I had the runs for three days. Really? How is that normal? Sorry you had to hear that, but that reality initiated my journey back to normalcy after hunkering down with my kids for a long while trying to adjust to the change from two to three little ones.

Having kids did something to me, inexplicable and strange yet so simple and matter of fact…they changed me, in soooo many ways. First they blew my mind, expanded my heart, grew my capacity in every way and then there’s the little issue of tweaked my body.

 I used to fit into a size 4, not every article of clothing but a few glorious ones that I've since had framed. (Ya right) .  Now I have sizes from 4 to 12 in my closet and I’m nervous about getting rid of the different sizes because if I am not finished child bearing yet I am likely to want those chubby clothes again (on the days where I can’t just stay in my husbands sweatshirt) and I haven’t entirely given up the hope of wearing some of my very slim clothes eventually. Do you see my plight?

 Anyway, as a mom I am always between two extremes. Extreme confidence and extreme self consciousness..I know, it seems a little oxy moronic. Having kids, I have this boost in confidence that is truly exhilarating, this purpose that is so great and consuming, objective  that is birds eye and pivotal, life intention and sacrifice beyond myself.

Then there’s the part where I don’t feel comfortable in clothes…any clothes. I mean, ya yoga pants and my husbands sweatshirts are pretty great but a girl is not supposed to live in those. I don’t want to be “that wife”. Pregnancy was no joke and for all those people who said, you can just bounce right back….well, they can bounce this. Your body is just different after that incredible and traumatizing experience. Mine was and is. So I have this reverse confidence problem, I think it's called a self esteem problem really, that makes me not want to go into public. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration but when I write in the heat of a momentary experience of self consciousness I tend to exaggerate. Tomorrow I will dress in my nice clothes, doll up my face a little, check myself out in the mirror and say "it's not so bad".

But the reality is, at home I am mom and I am amazing. I rule, they listen. I make jokes, they laugh. We dance and have picnics and they don’t mind my baggy sweatshirts, in fact I think they like that I wear daddy's sweaters.

 

 They love me and I love them. Out in the wide world I just don't always feel that amazing.

 

So why ever leave this lovely little bubble? Yes, I am in danger of never wanting to leave. I have been getting social stress,  indicated by anticipatory headaches and, I can barely say it, this weird lip rash that makes my lips peel (coconut oil really helps with it by the way);  extremely inconvenient and embarrassing. Sometimes my lips look freakishly red  and chapped, and not in some I was skiing all day and they are wind burned way. An abnormal way.  I don’t want to say clown but clown does come to mind

 

So that’s why I do it. There will always be a party or a wedding, or a family something off the mountain I have to attend and I can not afford to just totally break down with the anticipation of it. I know I have strangeness that even I can't justify but so it is and most days I just laugh about it. I don't mind seeing people through the star bucks drive thru window, or at the grocery store, I love church and woman's group. I’m comfortable being a mom, such endless challenges and opportunities for growth in that incredible role, and now that we live in the sticks I’m comfortable with dirt, and water and the mixture of the two that makes that very messy substance known as mud.

 I just want to spend time impressing the people who are so worth impressing, not those whose opinion doesn’t matter.

 However, a balance must be attained because life is still about people and people are out there where the lip fungus is.

So I must teach Zumba for these simple reasons:

1. Because I am in danger of becoming a hermit. 
2. Because: I get a much better cardio work out when I am teaching. I try to give 100% when I am just taking classes but I realize I do not because of the dramatic difference in wind sucking when I am the one leading the moves.
3. Because I have performance anxiety and that is just not like me.
4. Because It is a challenge.
5. Because if I quit I would be forgoing yet another opportunity to conquer fear.

 I must not succumb to social angst by quitting the thing that is providing me the opportunity to grow. It is the small way that I keep fighting against my own private disorder or whatever it should  be called.

If I suddenly quit Zumba and piano teaching, decline a family wedding, or refuse to teach at a marriage seminar than I hope one of my dear sisters will come get me, make me brush my hair and mingle somewhere with human adults but as long as I'm still rockin' the stage I'm still in the fight and I kindly ask people to please please don't look at my lips:)

 

five kid moments

I have learned that life holds just a plethora of moments we either disregard as ordinary because we're busy, stressed or impatient or we linger over, appreciating the humor, the unique qualities and the magic of those "ordinary" moments.

 My husband fell asleep last night as we were snuggled in bed to my ramblings of all the kid moments I had had during the day. It is a frequent habit with us, I chat away because it helps me unwind and he listens to my kid stories because it helps him relax. I like to retell the simple things because it gives them an extra adhesive consistency for my memory.

I know a time will come when I will find the absence of sticky substance on my clothes a little depressing because it will mean that no one is grabbing my legs with grubby hands and dirty faces, no one is pressing tear stained cheeks and booger noses into my neck and making it imperative that I wash a million loads of laundry a week. Bring on the kid moments, God help me soak them all in.

• Grabbed my electric toothbrush to start my nightly routine and as I bring the toothpaste towards it I see the unmistakable brown discoloration that is suspiciously similar to the remnants of cliff bar all over Mason’s face at lunch time. Brand new Oral B toothbrush head. That little stinker.
• While watching my sisters two kids today I had the good fortune to peer out the window and see my son Mason and his younger girl cousin with pants around their ankles in a standing posture that could only indicate the intent of peeing on a rock, two little bottoms across the yard. It didn't end up well for my niece's clothes and she was a little upset after she realized how very wet she was and had to get yet another life lesson on the difference between boys and girls but I sure had a good chuckle over it wishing I had been quick enough to snap a picture. It was just so cute.
• Leaving the gym after step class, my very affectionate son ran to give the gym owner a hug. She had on a rather colorful sports bra and he put both his hands on her chest and said “what’s these”. Man, kids are embarrassing.
• Hearing Mason in his room doing his little screeching whiny cry because his brother had hit him with an apple, I started laughing in the kitchen. Seeing my daughter there watching I said apologetically “I’m not laughing because he got hurt, just that he’s five and Drake is only fifteen months.” She said with a straight face “I’m not judging.” Then I really started laughing. Kids are so ridiculously cute.
• Running around the house in a flurry of activity, packing up the diaper bag with snacks, starting a load of laundry and putting away school books in an effort to come back from errands to a house not entirely devoid of order. As I went I smoothed my hair back unconsciously. My daughter, catching the motion, looked at me concernedly and said "your hair is messy a lot mom. You should try brushing it more often." No arguing that but wow!

If you ask me the world could use more "kid moments" on a regular basis.

If you read nothing else, read these five

 

I don't know if it's parenting or just getting older but I cry at the strangest things. Once I watched The Rescuers with Daph when she was little and when the orphan Penny was told by Madam Madussa that she was a homely little girl and no one would ever want her, I cried....a lot. Granted, I was pregnant and that says a great deal.

My daughter has gotten used to my tears since I have been reading to her for years. For school I read her a book on Abe Lincoln and of course when he got shot, I started getting the high pitched, slightly squeaky timbre to my voice and she looked at me with her astonished face that quickly turned to her compassionate face. Same with Helen Keller when she finally came to the immense realization that every thing she touched had a name and she could communicate and understand with those names; she ran to Mrs. Keller and asked Anne what her name was. When Anne signed "mother" in Helen's hand I simply could not keep reading; I had to take a minute to weep.
 

So just a couple months ago when I read Daphne a book about Amelia Earhart and I got to the last chapter where her husband read the letter she had left for him in the event that she did not make it back from her flight around the world Daphne already new the water works were coming and she laid a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
 

The same occurs when I hear of people who don't love to read or maybe just don't read... it makes me feel like crying for them; seriously, I get a little pang in my insides just thinking of all they miss. I could not imagine my world without my book friends and the wealth of knowledge I have had the pleasure to explore with them.  Sufficed to say, it is not easy to bring my recommendations down to five but I understand that a list of 50 is not palatable to the general populace and perhaps a number so small as five could be an attainable goal for many.

Reading is at once a sedative and a stimulant, an enhanced reality and a glorious escape. If you have not read these titles procure yourself a copy via Barnes, Amazon, the library, a handy internet option called Thriftbooks.com, or a blessed yard sale for pete's sake.

• Dracula. A powerful and spiritually stirring book full of adventure and true heroism. As a teenager I was deterred by the seeming dark subject matter, I mean, the notorious blood sucker, the blood sucker that was responsible for inspiring blood sucking fiction everywhere; but then I read it and wondered why I didn’t read it sooner. A must read.
• Pride and prejudice. Obviously this is one of the best books of all time and if you haven’t read it you couldn’t possibly be told why with enough eloquence so I will spare my words and simply say: Read it!
  
• How to win friends and influence people. This is only relevant if you ever come in contact with others of the human race. If you have kids, have parents, go to the grocery store, have co-workers, eat out, talk on the phone or basically live in the world of people, this is an excellent human relations resource.
• Gaining favor with God and man. Written in the 1800’s this book was out of print for a long time before being picked up by a connoisseur of great old literature and reprinted. When young, my dad read us a short chapter every night or morning as an augmentation of our usual devotions. You just don’t find a book like this every day. Valuable insights and, what has sadly become, old fashioned principles. Look for it on Amazon.
• Happiness is a serious problem. I have read a mountain of self help books maybe because I went thru a period where I really needed some help or maybe I have just found the encouragement to self evaluate, found in books like those, helpful in every day life. Regardless of this, Dennis Praeger really boils it all down in an intelligent and well-expressed 170 pages.

 “All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it’s truer to say that complaining leads to people becoming unhappy.”
― Dennis Prager

 

 “These friends - and he laid his hand on some of the books - have been good friends to me, and for some years past, ever since I had the idea of going to London, have given me many, many hours of pleasure. Through them I have come to know your great England; and to know her is to love her. I long to go through the crowded streets of your mighty London, to be in the midst of the whirl and rush of humanity, to share its life, its change, its death, and all that makes it what it is.”
― Bram Stoker, Dracula