Five reasons why I must teach Zumba

First I'd just like to say about this particular style of Zumba attire: Why?

Anywho...

When I started getting ready to teach my first zumba class after having Drake, I had the runs for three days. Really? How is that normal? Sorry you had to hear that, but that reality initiated my journey back to normalcy after hunkering down with my kids for a long while trying to adjust to the change from two to three little ones.

Having kids did something to me, inexplicable and strange yet so simple and matter of fact…they changed me, in soooo many ways. First they blew my mind, expanded my heart, grew my capacity in every way and then there’s the little issue of tweaked my body.

 I used to fit into a size 4, not every article of clothing but a few glorious ones that I've since had framed. (Ya right) .  Now I have sizes from 4 to 12 in my closet and I’m nervous about getting rid of the different sizes because if I am not finished child bearing yet I am likely to want those chubby clothes again (on the days where I can’t just stay in my husbands sweatshirt) and I haven’t entirely given up the hope of wearing some of my very slim clothes eventually. Do you see my plight?

 Anyway, as a mom I am always between two extremes. Extreme confidence and extreme self consciousness..I know, it seems a little oxy moronic. Having kids, I have this boost in confidence that is truly exhilarating, this purpose that is so great and consuming, objective  that is birds eye and pivotal, life intention and sacrifice beyond myself.

Then there’s the part where I don’t feel comfortable in clothes…any clothes. I mean, ya yoga pants and my husbands sweatshirts are pretty great but a girl is not supposed to live in those. I don’t want to be “that wife”. Pregnancy was no joke and for all those people who said, you can just bounce right back….well, they can bounce this. Your body is just different after that incredible and traumatizing experience. Mine was and is. So I have this reverse confidence problem, I think it's called a self esteem problem really, that makes me not want to go into public. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration but when I write in the heat of a momentary experience of self consciousness I tend to exaggerate. Tomorrow I will dress in my nice clothes, doll up my face a little, check myself out in the mirror and say "it's not so bad".

But the reality is, at home I am mom and I am amazing. I rule, they listen. I make jokes, they laugh. We dance and have picnics and they don’t mind my baggy sweatshirts, in fact I think they like that I wear daddy's sweaters.

 

 They love me and I love them. Out in the wide world I just don't always feel that amazing.

 

So why ever leave this lovely little bubble? Yes, I am in danger of never wanting to leave. I have been getting social stress,  indicated by anticipatory headaches and, I can barely say it, this weird lip rash that makes my lips peel (coconut oil really helps with it by the way);  extremely inconvenient and embarrassing. Sometimes my lips look freakishly red  and chapped, and not in some I was skiing all day and they are wind burned way. An abnormal way.  I don’t want to say clown but clown does come to mind

 

So that’s why I do it. There will always be a party or a wedding, or a family something off the mountain I have to attend and I can not afford to just totally break down with the anticipation of it. I know I have strangeness that even I can't justify but so it is and most days I just laugh about it. I don't mind seeing people through the star bucks drive thru window, or at the grocery store, I love church and woman's group. I’m comfortable being a mom, such endless challenges and opportunities for growth in that incredible role, and now that we live in the sticks I’m comfortable with dirt, and water and the mixture of the two that makes that very messy substance known as mud.

 I just want to spend time impressing the people who are so worth impressing, not those whose opinion doesn’t matter.

 However, a balance must be attained because life is still about people and people are out there where the lip fungus is.

So I must teach Zumba for these simple reasons:

1. Because I am in danger of becoming a hermit. 
2. Because: I get a much better cardio work out when I am teaching. I try to give 100% when I am just taking classes but I realize I do not because of the dramatic difference in wind sucking when I am the one leading the moves.
3. Because I have performance anxiety and that is just not like me.
4. Because It is a challenge.
5. Because if I quit I would be forgoing yet another opportunity to conquer fear.

 I must not succumb to social angst by quitting the thing that is providing me the opportunity to grow. It is the small way that I keep fighting against my own private disorder or whatever it should  be called.

If I suddenly quit Zumba and piano teaching, decline a family wedding, or refuse to teach at a marriage seminar than I hope one of my dear sisters will come get me, make me brush my hair and mingle somewhere with human adults but as long as I'm still rockin' the stage I'm still in the fight and I kindly ask people to please please don't look at my lips:)