Admissions of a super hero: For better or worse

Even though I am working on the next amazing item you must have in your kitchen and in your life, I have some talking to do on marriage.

It is after all married life Thursday.

Even though much of what I say is a meandering of thought within the confines of a set topic, it is the pondering and exploring that Chris and I do so regularly that helps keep us always on track. We think and talk about our marriage a lot; what we love, what we need to work on and ideas for the next silly activity we want to do together. I say silly because we experiment with antics that keep us on our toes and laughing. So as I ramble I am saying: for better or worse we are in it for the long haul and because of this we are always working on making it great.

Tonight I am reminded of something Chris once told me during the first year of our marriage. We had quarreled and he was apologizing. In doing so he told me he was sorry for not protecting me from himself. I found this very interesting and thought provoking. It sounds strange to say but the truth is, there is a little bit of the abby normal in each of us; a little bit of the crazy and a little bit of the mean. A successful relationship doesn't require two perfect people, but it does require caring enough for that other person to protect them. It is not some inevitable danger lurking in the darkness outside so much but the fatigue, the stress and the distractions that make us lash out at the one who is near.

I have always said that just as there are a set of rules in all sports, we should never make a go at something as important as marriage without establishing guidelines to help govern our actions and words when life is just a wee bit wild. I can say with absolution that abiding by a predetermined set of parameters protects your loved one from injury incurred needlessly. I don't mean you don't talk and deal with deep and difficult topics but they should be talked over and dealt with while maintaining self control not in a heated and likely irrational passion.

As a human being I need mercy, in little things and big things and because I live with another human being I know he needs mercy too. I can give a little mercy.

As I practice at the violin with every other note just sounding off, I am thankful for my husbands encouraging smile instead of the grimace he might feel inside. I am thankful when he says good job dear after I have finished dancing to the same zumba song for the 25th time in a row trying to get ready to teach on the morrow, even though I imagine he got tired of that tune about the 2nd time through.

Consequently, I can tell him how good he is doing training the dog even though I feel annoyed that that same training is happening on my carpet.

All annoyances don't need to be shown and all irritation doesn't need to be voiced. After ten years of marriage I have finally learned this. Mercy is a valuable practice in marriage. Mercy is a valuable practice in life.

Here are a few everyday tips for the big M:

Hogan’s Tips for marriage:

· Develop and write down your personal House Rules (we have about 8 that we have lived by since first married. They include: never say divorce, Never fight in front of the kids, Never yell etc.)

· Live by said rules

· Fight naked (rarely do this one but we like the idea)

· Sleep with one less blanket than the weather requires (so you are forced to sleep really close for warmth. This is one of our favorites)

· Take ten minutes on the couch daily for conversation (talk about everything except work, kids or money)

· Don’t interrupt each other

· Go and meet your spouse when he or she gets home (husband gets home from work, wife gets home from the grocery store etc)

· There’s a nice way and a mean way to say everything, choose the nice way.

· Speak in a nice Timbre (tone).

· Read a marriage book once a year together

Neglect the whole world rather than each other