I have been giving lengthy thought to my decision to homeschool as of late. Not merely because the day in and day out routine has been a bit trying these past few weeks but because Mason Has been attending speech therapy at our local Elementary school. These might seem rather unrelated but perhaps you will understand my process as we go along.
Mason goes on Mondays and Watson and I wait in hall chairs and watch the children pass by and witness the different dynamics that one can witness in a 45 minute span. Mason sits with me waiting for his speech therapist saying "there's my friend" every time a child passes. My heart hurts, but he has always had that affect on my . Some kids say hi as they pass by and many just look at him like he's weird. Every Monday he tells me he is going to have recess and play basketball with his friends. I remind him that we are just going to practice our sounds.
Last week his teacher says to me, "he keeps asking to play outside. I think it is fine as long as you stay with him". My mommy's heart was sincerely grateful. We held hands down the long hall and went outside where a multitude of kids were playing basketball, jumping rope and twirling hula hoops. Mason ran to join. He bounced a red ball and tried over and over to make a basket. He ran up to about half a dozen children and asked if they would play with them. He jabbered on in his trademark way, only half the words comprehendible. The kids were called back to class and I called Mason to me. He said "yes ma'am" and ran to me. We walked back down the hall hand in hand and Mason said "that was awesome". I said "Mason, you are awesome".
I felt a real need to cry that evening, I mean, despite my age, I felt that a real good cry would do me good. I didn't because it takes energy to work up a good emotional break down and frankly I was too tired.
The truth is, I just want to make sure my kids have what they need, what they want, and what is the best for them. Long story short, since the thoughts in my head spanned weeks and months, I considered my decision to homeschool over again. The additional truth I came to is of course the same truth I have come to over and over, I must do what I know I must do. I must endeavor to guard my children's hearts and help them learn to guard those same hearts as they grow, for as long as I can.
And, as long as the days sometimes seem, they are passing quickly. I feel it, I know it, I see it.
When Mason was first born and we entered that most difficult period of fighting for his health and wholeness, his quality of life and growth, I would say "I know it will get easier". I said that for six years. Now I realize it has gotten easier.
I want to be there for the moments because they pass more quickly than we realize even when we are telling people how fast the time is flying. We say it in a cliché way but it is a beautiful and painful reality.
I want the quality but I also want the quantity.
If I didn't have the quantity I might have missed my little Drake telling me he was going to "push me in a hole" (said in his best mean voice).
Or Mason say to that, "no, not mom. I will get you out".
I might have missed this prayer of that same two year old, "God help dad with the 'dition. Help dad teach mom to climb a ladder..."
I would not get half the hugs. I love love love when Drake puts his arms around me and says "I love my mom".
The other day I was watching Mason try to hit the balls his dad was throwing to him and he sailed one out of my parents yard, well over the fence. My mom and I did the wave from the sidelines and cheered like nothing else. Mason came to sit by me while his sister was up to bat and said "I am super awesome."
Today while I was teaching Daphne her math lesson she got frustrated and said "I don't get it! What, the answer is just supposed to magically appear?" in a perfect annoyed eight year old voice. It was so random, I laughed out loud, which of course was a bad idea because she thought I was making fun of her.
Anyway, I could go on an on. I am just really stuck on ordinary moments right now. They are so amazing, so organic, so wonderful; they are what makes my world go round.
Quantity moments is what I am in it for.
children running in a meadow
Child trying very hard to be cooperative
child who took his mommy's phone
Child being practically perfect in every way
Lovely children in a meadow
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